I can get wound up pretty tight when I feel stressed. Most people who know me would say that that's an understatement. That's how I had been feeling lately. Over the past few weeks the tension has continued to mount and the to-do list continued to grow. I started to feel out of control and I was miserable. I finally found relief this weekend at the Moms & Sons retreat.
I had been in CA all week for work and flew back in on Friday. I had intended to take the earliest flight out and arrive home early enough in the afternoon to finish packing and wait for CT to arrive home from school before driving the 5 hours to camp. But my flight was delayed and I spent an extra hour at the Orange County airport and another 45 minutes circling the MSP airport waiting for permission to land. My taxi hit rush hour traffic and construction zones. So I was frantic when I finally arrived home at 5:00. I dumped my suitcase on the floor and replaced the contents with whatever I could grab. We didn't hit the road until 5:45. In addition to my hectic day, my mind was racing with tasks that need to be accomplished prior to our departure to Honduras...not the least of which is to come up with another $4000 of support! So you can imagine my state of mind when we arrived at camp...harried, short-tempered and exhausted from travel and worry. That's not to mention that it was my birthday and I was feeling considerably older and more decrepit by the minute. What I didn't think I needed was a weekend "wasted" playing games and roasting marshmallows in the cold, wet outdoors. But I guess we're not always the best judge of what our soul's need in order to sustain us.
I think speaker's topics were intended for me. We talked about wandering the desert for 40 years and trusting God to provide. Wow. Maybe I'm lost in my own wilderness and I just need to give up the control to get to the promised land. Maybe I need to focus more on collecting the manna and less on trying to make the full turkey, green bean casserole and pumpkin pie all by myself. After I made this connection, I was able to relax and enjoy the time spent with my favorite person, CT. I realized how much I'm missing by being so frazzled all the time. We finally had the opportunity to talk about how we're feeling about the move and the mission. And, probably more importantly, we found the time to be silly and goof off together. I came back more refreshed, renewed and happy. I also came home with some "cool" new dance moves (I've been driving the bus all week!).
When we got back, we all sat down with a big piece of birthday cake and made three lists. (1) Things we have to offer Escuela El Sembrador (2) Things Escuela El Sembrador has to offer us and (3) Things we're afraid of or worried about. You can imagine that my 3rd list was the longest by far. But we took a hard look at the list and discussed how there's nothing on that list that God can't take care of. So, I'm working on letting go of list #3...still working on it...
Anyway, I'm a happier more relaxed mom this week and I'm going to try to stay that way for a while. So, when I start to feel out of control again, I'm going to break out my sprinkler and robot dance moves (much to CT's embarrassment, I'm sure) and remember that we will eventually find our way out of the wilderness...even if it takes 40 years.