Monday, May 16, 2011

Peace for the Spirit

Yesterday was our church's mission Sunday. Ever missionary and ministry our church is involved in is represented. I spent most of the day manning our table display, where we chatted with anyone who would stop long enough to listen. I especially liked getting to know the other ministries and missionaries. How exciting that God has called each of us to his work in so many different ways!

I enjoyed the day, but I do have to admit that it wore on my heart after the first hour and I was completely exhausted by the time we finally boxed up our supplies. I love El Sembrador and, honestly, I could talk about our students all day least I thought I could. But an entire day of talking about loved ones I haven't seen in months and may never see again coupled with the the polite nods of disinterest from our friends left me emotionally raw and on the verge of tears.

I've found that as the months start to separate us from El Sembrador and old habits and routines start to creep back into our lives, that my spirit seems to be in a constant exhausting battle. I cherish and cling to the memories of our Honduras family and friends while at the same time wishing I could forget we ever left Minnesota...yearning to live a "normal" life without the burden of our call. Endlessly desiring to be somewhere you are not and cannot be is overpowering and disheartening. And I'm finding it more difficult than I imagined to be content where I am, which is infinitely frustrating to the soul.

I believe that I am exactly where God wants me to be at this moment. My spirit is just worn out from emotion and craving a little peace for just a few moments.