Wednesday, March 02, 2011

Apartment Living

We're finally getting ready to reunite the family under one roof! While I'm excited at the prospect of being together again, I'm a little leery of moving to an apartment again. We built our house almost 12 years ago and our home in Honduras had plenty of room to spread out. I have to admit, it's more the stigma of apartment living that's got me feeling apprehensive. I don't know where I got the idea that renting is somehow not as respectable as owning. But in all honestly, I almost feel ashamed at the idea of living in an apartment building. Maybe it's the perception of success when someone owns their own home or maybe it's the idea of paying as much as our house payment and having nothing to show for it...or maybe I'm just a house snob. The new apartment will have plenty of room, our own washer and dryer and covered parking and we'll never have to mow or shovel. I have no reason to complain. I just feel like we've lost something by renting again...silly as that may sound. Honestly, I don't know what's gotten into me. Am I really so selfish and conceited? Probably.

I think that when you decide to give up everything and move to a foreign country to serve God, you never really intend to "give up" everything and it sneaks up on you sometimes. Suddenly, you find yourself feeling like a martyr and whining to everyone about your "loss". I think that's the trap I find myself in at the moment. The reality is that we have a storage unit full of stuff and we still "own" a home even if we're not living in it. I mean we haven't exactly suffered for our ministry...not  by a long-shot. I told God I would do anything, go anywhere and give up anything and He has asked so little of me.

I'm feeling a little guilty for even exposing my greediness for the entire world to see! So, I am telling myself to  give up the martyrdom and be truly thankful for my new home and everything else.
"Self, there is no shame in renting an apartment, you silly little brat. In fact, you could really use that on-site fitness center once in a while, missy! Time to start walking the walk and give up something for God's ministry...maybe starting with a little of that pride. And if every you forget how blessed you are, remember that you could be living in your in-laws' basement!"

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