I asked a our missionary mentor yesterday how you know when you're doing what God wants and not what your own heart desires. Sometimes I try to forget we ever went to Honduras, just so I don't feel the pressure of speculating if we'll ever return. And sometimes when I feel like we haven't made much progress, I try to prepare my broken heart for the inevitable possibility that we won't. I even try to convince myself if I truly love those kids, I should leave the ministry to other more experienced missionaries who must be closer to God than me. I so desperately want--sometimes need--to be a part of the El Sembrador ministry, that I often wonder if it's my own ambition and not the Lord's.
Our mentor, of course, had the right answer. She told me to pray. Then, she said probably the most simple and the most difficult thing to do. "Just keep going." It reminded me of the scene in the Nemo movie.All the fish are caught on a huge net, but they all swim the same direction and the pressure eventually breaks the net and sets them free. Through the whole ordeal, they are united in their own mission...to just keep swimming. It occurs to me that those fish may be on to something.
Obviously, God has broken our hearts for the people of Honduras. And, like those fish, we have to just keep moving forward--no matter how slow and painful it may be. We just keep swimming until God either breaks the net or hauls us into the boat.